39 & 13 means Abridging
by Yin-Yang Yoh
Summary: It is the Abridged version of Vile's skyshipping fic! I hope people don't flame me for this.
1. Chapter 1

**39 & 13 Means Abridging:**

* * *

Disclaimers: Vile's work is this plotline. I only just made it worse by ripping description and dialogue.

* * *

"Hey Yuma! Earth to Yuma! Hey, are you even in there?"

A blue being was constantly bugging his companion who had spiky hair.

"Sorry Astral, doing this annoying dub voice from 4Kids makes it really hard to figure out a gift for Kotori."

Yuma, as now recognized swinging on the bench, was looking in the air at his invisible ghost friend.

"Um, you mean, Tori, am I mistaken?"

Yuma just got confused at him.

"No, I'm sure her name is Kotori."

"No, last time I checked, 4Kids made it quite obvious and official that her name was Tori."

"Well, who gives a crap about 4Kids?"

There was an awkward silence.

"So you said you wanted a gift for her?"

"Yeah, and it is blocking out my Kattoubingu spirit, making it harder to concentrate on other things, like card games."

Astral then had a small lightbulb moment.

"Then why not you just get her a deck? Then you two could play card games together!"

Yuma just became quite ecstatic.

"Of course! That's the perfect gift! Women love playing card games!"

Yuma then suddenly started thinking again.

"But wait, what cards would Kotori like?"

Astral then pointed to a card shop.

"I believe Tori was looking in one of those card shops over there looking for some winged-beast monsters."

"I knew her name meant 'bird of luck'! It's perfect!"

"I thought her name was Tori."

Yuma then started running for the card shop while shouting at Astral.

"For the last time, it's Kotori!"

Meanwhile, as the two headed for the card shop, a shadowy figure could be seen peeking behind a tree.

"That skank Tori! Why does she get all the screentime! Last time I checked, there were a lot more Cathy x Yuma shippers!"

A dark, yet, high pitched cat voice that sounded like Felicia from the Darkstalkers game then came out of nowhere.

"Well don't worry, I'm a shipper, and with the power of numbers, we shall make our shipping dream true!"

Cathy then picked up the card off the ground.

"Really? How?"

The card then grew dark, covering her entire body in a dark aura. After it was finished, the creature within the shadows smiled and licked her lips.

"I shall make you mine Yuma, and it'll be the last thing I'll do if my name isn't Cathy!"

The dark voice resonated in her head.

"Your name is Cathy."

"Shut up."

* * *

_*Short Guitar Solo from the English Dub theme of ZEXAL*_

_Take a chance to make it all the way,_

_Take a chance, forgetting yesterday_

_Take a breath, my heart will lead the way,_

_Take a chance, I'll take a chance in today!_

* * *

_**Back at the card shop:**_

"Hmmm, what cards do I need?"

As Yuma was looking around, a shorter boy appeared next to him.

"On the flip side, I see you looking for cards, ura."

"Oh hey best friend that possessed my numbers and almost destroyed Astral and faking me into a trap!"

"Skip the chit chat Yuma, I know you're looking for cards. Looks like I can easily get you some, ura."

The small boy walked up and tapped on the owner's counter, addressing the owner.

"Good afternoon, Kodoa-sama, Ura."

The owner then came up to the counter, addressing the young boy.

"Hey Tokunosuke. What's up?"

Yuma then went up the counter and started talking quite fast.

"Can we please see your super-rare-awesome-chocolaty-fudge-coated-mega-super-deck?"

The man laughed.

"I don't see why not. Here it is, the Beating Wings. It focuses on Winged-Beast monsters and has some strong Xyz Monsters to boot."

Yuma just laughed a little bit.

"That's not exactly threatening, but it sounds like Harpies are coming down and destroying Harpie's Brother if you know what I mean."

* * *

(I hope you know what I mean. XD)

* * *

Kotori was singing in her room alone while brushing her hair.

"I don't want, anybody else. When I think about Yuma, I touch my-"

Her D-Gazer suddenly set off.

"Sweet Astral World!"

She then picked it up.

"Oh, hey Yuma, I'm totally not singing anything weird!"

Yuma just chuckled.

"Please, I've seen weirder anime songs come from this franchise. And that's saying something."

* * *

***QUICK CUT TIME***

Ame no hi mo kaze no hi mo gokkan no fubuki mo shakunetsu no taiyou mo

Subete hibi wo irodoru zairyou hekotarenaide ishi to ai wo

Kimi ga kureta yasashisa wa kibishisa

Butsukaru koto de shitta modokashisa

Chigai wo mitomeru koto de hajimaru juuoumujin odore tenchikaibyaku

***We return to your Abridging***

* * *

"YUMA, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF CARD GAMES AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE AND I WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!"

As Akari said that, Yuma just sighed.

"No."

"Curses, foiled once again. But just letting you know, Kotori would never-"

Kotori then shouted to Yuma while running.

"I'm here to play with you."

"What?"

"Yuma's cards. I'm here to play with Yuma's cards."

Yuma had a relieved expression his face.

"Oooooohhhhhh…"

Akari just laughed.

"Nice! Have fun with Kotori, if you know what I mean…"

The D-Gazer then flipped off. Yuma just sighed at her.

"That crazy teenager and her lingo, I will never understand it."

Kotori then smirked at the cards in Yuma's hands.

"Are we going to play card games? I always wanted to learn how to play card games!"

Yuma then gave her the deck.

"It's your favorite. Winged-Beasts!"

"Huh, funny, I swear I liked playing with Maidens in one fanfic."

* * *

**In a future fanfic:**

This Universe Kotori sneezed.

"I swear I am talking to myself."

* * *

**Meanwhile, back in the Vileverse:**

Cathy was glaring at Kotori.

"Curse you and your glorious shortened skirt! I should be the more dominant shipping for Yuma! Ask anyone! Why isn't it me?"

The Number Darkness then radiated from her hand.

"You were never successful in a children's card game?"

Let's go back and focus on the real couple here! Yuma and Kotori were just walking around seeing couples duel and…stuff. Yuma couldn't help but sweatdrop.

"Man, did Valentine's Day come early?"

"I would enjoy playing with you."

"What?"

"You and your deck."

Yuma then pumped his fist.

"Then lets find us a tag duel!"

"Then let's use a good cameo/useable appearance!"

Yuma turned around, where he saw the familiar purple hair, blue eyes, and confident smirk of his friend/rival, Ryoga.

"Shark! How is your girlfriend?"

Shark smiled.

"She's perfect to make out with."

A girl named Ariel, was around their age with medium-length light blue hair and identically colored eyes. She was wearing a dark blue tank top with a bubble pattern, a silver jacket over top of it, purple shorts and black shoes. Her D-Pad and Deck were attached to her left hip, and a small mirror-like object could be seen hanging from the right side of her shorts. More on her appearance later, her voice was in a sing song fashion for them to hear.

"Oh Shark, that is so sweet of you to-"

Shark interrupted her a bit rudely.

"I was talking about my bike."

Yuma then looked at Shark.

"So how did it happen?"

Shark just smirked smugly.

"One day, I was riding, protecting her. All night long."

Ariel giggled while giving him a hug.

"Shark, I thought you would never say something li-"

Shark groaned irritably.

"I'm still talking about my bike."

Ariel then put on her D-Pad.

"Then I'll show you that I'm better than your lame motorbike Shark! Let's bond together to fight Yuma and Kotori!"

Shark just slipped on his D-Pad with a confident smirk.

"Only if it gets me laid."

"I've been talking about that since we ever met!"

"You're weird Ariel."

Yuma just fistpumped, shouting his signature phrase.

"Pop-flying! So extreme guys! YEAH! I'm definitely feeling the flow."

Astral just cheered.

"I told you it was a good catchphrase!"

Yum growled at Astral.

"I'm only using it in this chapter."

Everyone then gotten into a duel position.

"DUEL!"

Shark then started drawing his cards.

"I Xyz Summon Aero Shark!"

Yuma was just caught off guard.

"You must be joking! How did you do that?"

"Because it is one of my skills as a rival. I CAN SUMMON ANYTHING I WANT! Also, you take 1600 points of damage."

Yuma was stunned a little.

"Wait, WHA-"

An explosion occured, sending Yuma back a little, however, Kotori then stepped in.

"If you could do that, then, with the Magic Card Protagonist Girlfriend Powers, I Xyz Summon Twister Quail!"

A huge bird, slightly smaller than Aero Shark, descended onto the field and extended its wings. It was a light gray color with blue wings, complete with green wing tips that curled upwards like wind gusts. On top its head were five feathers sticking up, also curled similar to wind gusts. A constant breeze moved across it, fluffing its feathers.

"Now just try and get past us!"

Shark smirked.

"Fine, I summon the Drill Barnacle, where it attacks you directly!"

Kotori was a bit shocked.

"Son of a-"

She then got knocked over by Drill Barnacle. Yuma just got to his feet with confidence.

"Don't worry, I'll save you Kotori! Watch this!"

A galaxy portal opened up, making Yuma smirk.

"With two monsters, I construct the Overlay Network! Xyz Shoukan! Ideyo, Nanbazu Juunana (Come, Number 17)! Revise Dragon!"

In yellow, the number "17" formed and flashed, and Leviathan Dragon's sealed form rose from a dark cloud. The purple orb uncoiled itself to become its body and head, while the scythes around it became wings. The 17 on its horn glowed brightly as it let out a loud roar, its blue Overlay Units circling its head.

Shark was amazed.

"Oh my gawd, it's the monster I used in Episode 1!"

"Yeah, and since I saved you from it, it's now our friend! Now, Revise Dragon, destroy everything he has!"

A blue stream then emerged from the dragon's mouth, destroying the barnacle.

"Now it's time for Ariel's turn, so I summon the monster that looks just like me!"

As she said that, Gishiki Erial then came onto the field.

"She does look like her! That's creepy!"

"It's not creepy! My dad based one of them off me! But you'll soon see! I Ritual Summon Evigishki Soul Ogre!"

As the large monster appeared, Shark got confused.

"Ritual what?"

Ariel just sighed.

"Ritual summon."

"What summon?"

"Ritual, summon."

"What, what?"

"RITUAL…SUMMON."

Shark then suddenly had a small epiphany with Ariel.

"Oh. What is that?"

Ariel just groaned in more frustration.

"It's where you-"

Shark then cut her off rudely.

"Wait, I seemed to have no longer cared."

Cathy, who was observing behind the tree, spoke to herself.

"That was an impressive Ritual Summon Ariel."

In the background, Shark's voice was heard again.

"Ritual what?"

"Evigishki Soul Ogre! Attack and win my duel!"

Yuma just sprung into the air.

"I don't think so! Protagonist powers! Go!"

*insert Fang of Critias Theme from Japanese OST here*

"Xyz Shoukan! Arawareyo, Nanbazu Sanjuukyuu! Kibou Ou Hope! (Come forth, Number 39! Aspiring Emperor Hope!)"

The number "39" formed and flashed in red, and Hope's sealed form arose from another dark cloud. The gold and silver wings folded out and extended while the main body formed. Hope brandished his sword before docking it, and let out a cry of "HOPE!".

"Aw yeah baby, it's the time to kick your [bleep]!"

Suddenly, something out of Kotori's pocket started glowing.

"Now what?"

Kotori had a smirk on her face.

"By the power of love,"

She then took out the card, and her Xyz monster appeared.

"I HAVE THE POWER! I Xyz Summon the lover of Kibou ou Hope, Number 13!"

As 13 appeared on the field, she started talking to her male counterpart.

"Hey, how come we are able to talk in this fanfic?"

Kibou ou Hope just sighed.

"The author did it."

Yuma and Kotori then raised their hands.

"Kattoubingu, daze ore! We win!"

The two monsters attacked, ending the duel, for no apparent reason.

"We did it Kotori! We won!"

The two hugged, before Shark and Ariel were shocked.

"I can't believe it. I got humiliated in front of my girlfriend."

Ariel just hugged him gently.

"Don't be silly Ryoga, you know I would-"

"For the last tricking time, I am dating my motorcycle!"

Lets refocus our efforts on the true OTP of this fic.

"Yuma, there was something I wanted to say to you."

The Number card then started shouting from her extra deck.

"Stop beating around the bush and kiss him! We won't have these skyshipping fics without you doing it!"

Kotori then took Yuma's hands.

"I-I…love you, Yuma…" Kotori sighed. She slowly closed her eyes and leaned in towards him. Yuma took the notion and slowly moved forward to meet her, his eyes also closing. They could feel each other's soft breaths as they got closer. Their lips were about to touch, when…

"Don't… you… dare!" A shrill shriek rang out. Yuma and Kotori quickly snapped back to reality at the sound of the voice. They saw Cathy with a dark aura.

"Why must there always be other shippings interfering with the OTP?"

**End of Part 1!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**39 & 13 Means Abridging Finale:**_

_On a serious note, I'm somewhat glad at the turnout this came out. Full disclosure, everyone should at least already know that I used various jokes from the original abridged series, (such as Shark dating his motorcycle) and finally, I'm not sure if people remember what happened in the original, I mean, this ain't my plot. Sorry if that sounds condescending._

_Also, does anyone read these anymore?_

_Vile: Disclaimers on the first page. Any bolded cards are-_

_Yo Vile, I'm really happy for you, but 39 & 13 Means Love doesn't belong to me._

* * *

Yuma and Kotori were cornered by Cathy and her Number.

"Cathy!"

"The girl with a cat's mind complex!"

Cathy smiled wickedly.

"You are correct. Now, I'm going to take Yuma and claim him as the true ZEXAL OTP! And there's no one that could stop me! And Yuma, you should remember that confession I made to you in Episode 9! You said it with mutual feelings!"

Yuma was a bit shocked.

"I said no such thing!"

* * *

**_Flashback, Episode 9:_**

The two were dueling in this episode.

"I LOVE YOU YUMA!"

Yuma drew his card, where he shouted to the sky.

"I love you too!"

* * *

_**Back in present time:**_

Yuma just looked at her shocked.

"Huh, I thought that was the voice of my Kotori impression. In my defense, I didn't even notice your confession."

Cathy was a bit seething now.

"Ok you skank, after you stole him, you turn him against me? Then prepare yourself for me to give you the beating of your life Kotori!"

"The only one who will be beating me would be Yuma if he ever was into bondage or S&M!"

An awkward silence filled the air.

"WHAT?"

Astral then whispered to him.

"Yuma, what is bondage?"

Yuma then shouted at him flustered.

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

_*Short Guitar Solo from the English Dub theme of ZEXAL*_

_Take a chance to make it all the way,_

_Take a chance, forgetting yesterday_

_Take a breath, my heart will lead the way,_

_Take a chance, I'll take a chance in today!_

* * *

Cathy and Kotori then were dueling against each other. Yuma was just excited.

"Aw man, a cat fight! As awesome as it is, this is just isn't good. She needs help!"

Yuma then turned to Astral.

"You go help her! She can only use those numbers when you're around."

Astral sighed.

"Fine, but only cause she's your girlfriend."

Let's go back to the duel with Cathy and Kotori.

"You won't beat me Cathy!"

"Says the person who's [bleep] will be beaten by 3 kitten type monsters."

"Wait a minute, did you just summon a whole bunch of monsters in one turn?"

Cathy just smugly looked at her.

"Yeah, so?"

Kotori scowled.

"That's against the rules isn't it?"

"Actually, no."

Yuma just shouted in the background.

"Damn it Cathy! You didn't complete the reference!"

Cathy smirked.

"And unlike the original abridged episode, I'm using these monsters for a great purpose!"

Her eyes narrowed at Kotori.

"Xyz summoning…"

Kotori reeled back in shock.

"Oh god, here it comes!"

The galaxy portal opened, where the three balls of light flew in, making Cathy smirk evilly.

"Xyz Shoukan! Nanbazu Kyuujuu!"

At this point, the summoning description would be inserted here, however, I don't feel like doing that.

"Nya!~ I'm here to win Number 39's heart!"

Kotori then scowled at her, where Number 13 was also scowling.

"That's it! You're a dead cat!"

Suddenly, 2 lights flew into a galaxy portal, turning into a bright light.

"Xyz Shoukan! Arawareyo, Nanbazu Juusan!"

Suddenly, the empress took the field and was seething at Number 90, where she started yelling.

"ALRIGHT YOU **[bleep]**ING DAUGHTER **[bleep]**HOLE **[bleep]!** I AM GOING TO TEAR OUT YOUR **[bleep]**HOLE AND **[bleep]** IT UP SO MUCH WITH MY ROD THAT YOU'LL BE BLEEDING OUT OF YOUR** [bleep]**ING** [bleep]**Y** [bleep]!** THEN, YOUR **[bleep]**ISH **[bleep]** WILL BE **[bleep]**ED UP SO MUCH YOU CAN NEVER **[bleep]** AGAIN YOU **[bleep]!"**

The entire cast was taken aback with the large amount of censored curses that came from Number 13. Number 90 just yawned, quite frankly bored at what had happened.

"Are you done?"

Suddenly, a bright light was sprouting from the ground, forming into a warrior monster.

"Oh no."

Empress Love then had a VERY satisfied look on her face as she saw Hope.

"YES…"

The Warrior Number then rose from the galaxy portal, taking his counterpart's number by the hand.

"You little-"

The male number then spoke in a tremendous booming voice.

"Thou art shall fall for thy ignorance and arrogance! My lovest belongs to thy Empress Love!"

Yuma just yelled in the background.

"Ha! Vintage Kibou ou Hope!"

Kotori then threw her hand forwards.

"This is the end of you! Double Attack!"

Cathy then had an evil glint.

"You have fallen right into my trap card! Now on the next turn, I shall claim Yuma and Hope as mine!"

The monsters then felt weaker because of Cathy's trap card.

"Oh no! The dark power!"

Kotori then started getting desperate.

"That's not good! I need to save Hope and Love!"

Suddenly, it just came to Kotori.

"Wait a second, I know why you're after me in the first place Number 90! You're just jealous at Vile's writing ability which far surpasses your own ability to write a proper fanfiction!"

The number glared at her.

"You skankbag! That's not at all true!"

Kotori then held out an iPhone that had a screen on it.

"Then what is this all about, nekomusumemistress90?!"

The number card was shocked.

"How did you find my fanfiction profile?!"

"It's simple really, I've never seen such terrible Catobingushipping material, ever on this site, most of them being the life scarring lemons, that are so cliche and generic it was cringeworthy!"

Yuma then looked at the Number's fanfiction profile.

"Oh god! This is pretty nas- Wait a second, most of these are plots from other people's fics! She is also a plagiarist!"

The female number then started apologizing.

"I'm sorry! I am so sorry for stealing the fic ideas! I was just wanting to be noticed in the ZEXAL community like Vile has! He had done so much with ZEXAL it's not even funny! HE has over 20 reviews each fanfcition! Why can't I?"

Kotori then started getting bored.

"Yeah, let's do a comparison. Vile has mostly T-Rated fics, you contain mostly MA, Vile comes up with his own ideas while you rip on others, Vile comes up with the best pairing situations while trying his best to keep the characters in character, you make the characters ridiculously out of character just to become part of your fandom, and finally, he can do anything he wants and still be a bad[bleep], you're just [bleep]y with reviews."

Kotori then stuck her hand out.

"Also, I am a Fanfiction moderator **[bleep]!** Now, I should probably finish this duel...but that's crazy!"

Love then clapped her hands, making her staff vanish. She herself became an energy stream before coiling around Hope's neck and reforming, her arms wrapped his neck while she floated behind him. The first season theme of Yu-Gi-Oh then started playing in the background.

"Now, Kattobingu daze, ore! Emperor Hope, attack nekomusumemistress90 and wipe out her remaining life points and remove her from the fanfiction world forever!"

The two Numbers flew toward their target, slicing her straight down the middle, causing her to explode violently.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-"

Yuma then cheered.

"She totally won that duel."

* * *

_**Scene cuts to sunset!**_

Yuma and Kotori were sitting next to each other, her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Yuma. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Kotori. I always will."

Meanwhile, Astral was off to the side, looking at the newly collected number cards.

"Now, let's see what the future holds for us."

As he placed his hand over the cards, he got 2 completely different visions.

"Odd…the first vision was one with a child. The second one is one with a completely different girl. She was pink and had a blue eye. What does this mean? Has the author changed the space-time continuum?"

Astral then looked at the two in the sunset.

"Well, it doesn't matter. 39 + 13 may equal 52 normally, but in their case, it equals love."

A laugh managed to escape him as the new couple enjoyed each other as well as the sunset.


End file.
